The Depths of Despair & Waves of Anger

I once again find myself overwhelmed with the kind of emotion that grips my throat and renders me numb with cold while at the same time I am seething with rage.

In this case,  the horrific events unfolding in Sandy Hook, Connecticut - a young man, 20-year old Adam Lanza, shot and killed his mother in her home and then proceeded to Sandy Hook Elementary school where he took the innocent lives of 20 children and 6 adults.

I have cried buckets of tears for the victims of criminal acts over the past years. I found myself completely unhinged at 9/11 and was consumed with grief when I visited the World Trade Center and the Visitor's Center commemorating the victims of that tragedy. I have wept over the loss of life in the various unprovoked attacked on school children and countless other acts of violence which have snuffed out the lives of so many innocent people.I ask myself why it affects me so deeply. I don't have any relationship to any of the victims, yet I feel their loss as deeply as if it was one of my loved ones. The fact of the matter is that I cannot begin to wrap my head around what kind of warped phyche spawns an individual who hunts others in order to gratify some dark and demented urge to kill or seek revenge for some perceived wrong.

Combined with my grief I feel an equally deep seated sense of anger and rage. How does this happen in the western hemisphere, where we pride ourselves on being educated and above the kinds of violence we see other less developed or less educated countries.

A friend posted on Facebook that he is sick of hearing the old response to gun violence - "guns don't kill people. People kill people." and while that statement may demonstrate a point, he further stated that, "it's easier for people to kill people with guns than without them'. Too true!

I am angry that people like this young man can get their hands on the kinds of weapons that guarnatee such horrible carnage. 

The NRA and supporters of the second amendment will trot out the ubiquitous "right to bear arms" argument,  but in my opinion the right to bear arms is no longer relevant, nor should it be viewed as a right. In an emerging nation where the constitution of a newly forming country felt the necessity to spell out the rules by which they would defend their rights (again, relevant to that era not this one), I understand the application. HOWEVER, in this day and age I don't for a minute believe that anybody other than an officer of the law or a recognized protector (guard/court officer/soldier) should need or be allowed to have a gun. In particular a hand gun.

I don't know what the answer is - all I know is that I am weary of the destruction that guns cause and despair for the world that seems to be devolving at an alarming rate.

In the meantime my deepest sympathy goes out to all of the families who have been affected by this terrible act. I grieve for the children and caring adults at the school and for the remaining members of the Lanza family who will live with the stigma of what their son and brother did to this community.  So very sad.

Discovering a Good Thing

 “If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything” – Malcolm X.

Many of us spend our lives cocooned in a comfortable carefree existence where the services and amenities we take for granted are only considered when it’s time to pay the monthly bills. We have been fortunate to live a life where food, water, shelter, education, healthcare and safety are a normal part of our day to day routine.

For as long as I can remember I have always wondered what made us part of the fortunate group, when there were people in the world who had so little, and struggled so mightily. While the only conclusion I have been able to come up with is that it was simply the luck of the draw, I also established a personal belief that those of us who have so much have a responsibility to provide some means of relief to those who have so little. It can be as simple as a donation of money, to the commitment of time and abilities, to ensure that those less fortunate receive an element of care and dignity. What matters is that we do give – in our own way – in any way we can - as long as it’s meaningful.

Several years ago I had the privilege of participating in an Urban Renewal programme in an economically depressed area of Nassau. This was an area that was deemed the “ghetto” by everybody. It was dangerous and many people would not travel through there in the daytime, much less at night. Young girls were turned out to prostitution at a very young age, boys were conscripted into the local gang life and the squalor was incredible. There were open cesspits throughout the neighbourhood and abandoned buildings and derelict vehicles were everywhere. Mangy dogs chased cars and filthy and hungry children chased the dogs with sticks.

Despite all of this there was something about the people that lived there that I couldn’t put my finger on – they certainly were not the kind of folks that I would have been drawn to spend time among in Canada! I may have started out with the idea that I was going to come in and make everything better by having the cesspits filled in, cars towed away and the buildings torn down or fixed up. While that was a Band-Aid solution that made things look a bit better for a month or so, it wasn’t the real problem and the same visual problems crept back into the landscape fairly quickly. What really ailed the people of this neighbourhood was a lack of self-respect and a sense of worth.

The Urban Renewal Project got off to a very slow start and eventually drew children into a programme where they found a safe haven. They had opportunities previously unattainable, where they could become part of a choir or dance troupe performing at the National Theatre; where they became members of a band that performed at cultural events; where they learned to be part of a group of similarly disadvantaged children who finally saw a different way to go.  For some of them it was a sense of belonging that they never had before – these children blossomed and grew beyond my expectations and I realized that while my contribution didn’t make them who they had become – I did have a small part in pointing them in the right direction and that was good enough for me!

We are ALL to blame!

Man Fired Over Posting on Memorial Page

Some days I don’t know why I pick up the paper! The news is rarely good and inspiring, but rather a sure-fire way to start the day on a downer. So this morning on the way in to work I grabbed the usual free news publication and settled in for the stressor of the day.

Let me start off by saying that the actions of thoughtlessness and outright meanness that led to the sad choice that Amanda Todd made to end her tortured life make me physically ill. So today, Jumping off the front page is the headline “Slur on teen’s memorial page costs Ontario man his job” – the article went on to describe his disgusting comment and then proceeded to offer a his version of a somewhat left-handed apology – one which I suspect we would not be hearing if he hadn’t lost his job as a result. Boo Hoo for him – did he think his comment was funny? Did he for one second think about the impact his words would have on her grieving family? I for one don’t feel sorry for him – if he is old enough to know what “stirring the pot” means, he is evidently old enough to understand that actions always come with consequences.

Society, in general, has become so disassociated with compassion and accountability for thoughts, words and deeds that we are doomed to be the authors of our own misfortunes. Popular and exceedingly tasteless television programming lacking in any intellectually redeeming qualities, violence filled video games, movies and music videos have desensitized us to the extent that we have become to tolerate bad behavior as a means of acceptable entertainment.

Children spend more time stressing over how to be “cool” in the eyes of their peers than they do sleeping. It’s virtually impossible to ensure that our children are getting the messages that we want them to hear “loud and clear” because of the immense amount of “noise” and interference from these external influences!  

Increasingly sexual, violent and bloody video games which are marketed to younger and younger audiences make it seem “ok” to those who are really not prepared to fully understand the consequences. It’s surreal and without any tangible fallout – at least on the surface. But, make no mistake there is indeed fallout – just look at the fact that we are seeing increasingly more violent crimes committed by younger and younger perpetrators – more and more, young girls getting pregnant and more violence born out of frustration and despair.

Reality shows which tout and encourage the absolute worst kind of human interactions – lying, deceiving, plotting alliances for personal gain, empty promises and outright rude and bad behavior have become the norm.  “Yardy” or abhorrent behavior by characters on animated television shows, which are popular with children, but in reality, geared to a more adult audience, are having an immense influence on children who are watching without supervision.

Gone are the days where pleasant and moral messaged media guide our children along a path where they learn to be tolerant, forgiving and generous – that’s too lame in their considered opinion.

There is an overwhelming stream of media which is constantly pushing the boundary of taste both in reporting and in programming, all under the guise of “freedom of speech” and “right to choose” banners. Information of all kinds is available at the click of a mouse and there is really very little means of filtering what information is disseminated. Few safeguards are in place on “adult” content programs or sites, which would prevent our children from witnessing scenarios which they are not emotionally or intellectually prepared to understand.

Much has been said about the fact that the parents of the bullies in this case should be made accountable – I disagree to a point. Yes, they should be more engaged in the raising of their children, but the reality of this is that in many cases parents are completely unaware of what their children are getting up to until it’s too late!

Unfortunately, nowadays more and more children are finding themselves with more unsupervised time on their hands – extra-curricular school activities have been eradicated as teachers leverage them for contract negotiations; the expense of having children in sports or other activities has become financially unattainable for many; and, finally an unprecedented increase in young single-parent situations who themselves are ill-equipped to be parents.

Parents, Grand-Parents, Aunts, Uncles, friends, neighbors, teachers, and everybody in the community have a moral obligation to make a child’s life more joyful, more stable and safe. If we all took an active role in protecting the innocence of the vulnerable members of our society these tragic events would be fewer and far between.

So while parents have an obligation to raise their children to be contributing and compassionate human beings, it does indeed take a village to raise a child.